tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55906138072635682252024-02-07T04:37:01.365-08:00Great Jewish ComediansExploring the long tradition of Jewish-American humor.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-86082401086794353092014-01-31T23:40:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:35:03.664-08:00Jerry Seinfeld’s Classic Routine on Supermarkets<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QOmSQfYB1iE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-68359409604332752802014-01-31T23:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:25:52.539-08:00Larry David: The 5 Second Rule<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UW7s6ynwlpY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-85440334764534922162014-01-31T23:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:26:31.238-08:00George Burns and Goldie Hawn<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/BfeNqkKRUbs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-16174038220511128402014-01-31T22:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:26:57.377-08:00"I Get No Respect": 10 Great One-Liners From Rodney Dangerfield<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr44n1RRgfZb6OsX0SuyjNIYSqNd7gKJASiCYxru08fbiQvRQcTYwI2enB2HCQ7jyU7uj9KRCshidsrJv7XdpMBjo2x2jzUxF0IF1b4i9_qWddxjzD1QOjXiQnLsf84gkuEhYiSjxN5VE/s1600/RodneyDangerfieldunk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr44n1RRgfZb6OsX0SuyjNIYSqNd7gKJASiCYxru08fbiQvRQcTYwI2enB2HCQ7jyU7uj9KRCshidsrJv7XdpMBjo2x2jzUxF0IF1b4i9_qWddxjzD1QOjXiQnLsf84gkuEhYiSjxN5VE/s320/RodneyDangerfieldunk.jpg"></a></div>1. I get no respect. A travel agent told me I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no days, just nights.<P>
2. I get no respect. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.<P>
3. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.<P>
4. I get no respect. Every day the elevator attendant asks me the same thing ... Basement?<P>
5. I get no respect. I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.<P>
6. I get no respect. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.<P>
7. I get no respect. For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.<P>
8. When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents divorced there was a custody fight over me. No one showed up.<P>
9. As a kid I got no respect. Kidnappers sent my parents a note saying, "We want $5,000 or you'll see your kid again."<P>
10 I get no respect. Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-34817746175457986082014-01-31T21:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:28:24.512-08:00Jackie Mason: Jews and Gentiles<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_M8-JLKvWgM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-91413048458453868332014-01-31T21:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:29:00.661-08:0010 One-Liners by Rita Rudner On Men and Dating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikzBTsEdjbSQjfNlUz7VcXsUjumf3CLAbdITwOt7BbTYCZ8snDaa8yXGz23aiz1PleXTrd2baavnFc07arkAmqYSW7iKIxutrUKKTT_vvpXUaNtI_x4Zn4K5JKTgY9pmYtF5SgvC7dbyM/s1600/RitaRudnerPIN3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikzBTsEdjbSQjfNlUz7VcXsUjumf3CLAbdITwOt7BbTYCZ8snDaa8yXGz23aiz1PleXTrd2baavnFc07arkAmqYSW7iKIxutrUKKTT_vvpXUaNtI_x4Zn4K5JKTgY9pmYtF5SgvC7dbyM/s320/RitaRudnerPIN3.jpg"></a></div>1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.<P>
2. A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.<P>
3. To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."<P>
4. The time spent grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.<P>
5. Some people think large breasts makes a woman stupid. Just the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.<P>
6. My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. <P>
7. Men who leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.<P>
8. Men reach their sexual peak at 18. Women at 35. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?<P>
9. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.<P>
10. Men with a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain & bought jewelry.<P>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-54474832157105515042014-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:29:33.112-08:00Why Harpo Marx Stopped Speaking<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/19prL2ue4pk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-53638971439614694552014-01-31T19:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:30:14.504-08:0013 Great One-Liners From Groucho Marx<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYCkg-zHbJcLzFo5uSAyIaDgzRgsDud07kCtcbPWsGsStoobXPvRM9Zmf3O9gEaPB7PDzhBPMY7eFfBYyemBSE2Hs4ZPma8cPuj74u7XYzBHG6qZeUrxPHuKZiPGr_C9dlO9NysPg2ejY/s1600/Groucho_Marx-PD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYCkg-zHbJcLzFo5uSAyIaDgzRgsDud07kCtcbPWsGsStoobXPvRM9Zmf3O9gEaPB7PDzhBPMY7eFfBYyemBSE2Hs4ZPma8cPuj74u7XYzBHG6qZeUrxPHuKZiPGr_C9dlO9NysPg2ejY/s320/Groucho_Marx-PD.jpg"></a></div>
1. I refuse to belong to a club that would have me for a member.<P>
2. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.<P>
3. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.<P>
4. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.<P>
5. Humor is reason gone mad.<P>
6. These are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.<P>
7. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?<P>
8. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.<P>
9. Before I speak, I have something important to say.<P>
10. I drink to make other people more interesting.<P>
11. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.<P>
12. There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says yes, you know he’s a crook.<P>
13. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.<P>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-8212520766747073052014-01-31T19:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:30:42.151-08:00Sarah Silverman Explains The Kabbalah<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HOX4UGnOexE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-5132061067308520652014-01-31T18:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:31:03.154-08:00Take My Wife... Please! 15 Henny Youngman Jokes About His Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE3Gfo7JRULH3l07D4vMWpiG95_wJ0b1UPqCSMgJk1db8DqLzn6s0C856HhqBsT3qCkKtGnLzB5DVIPdFacdWZ2B8jtSg5nuoYrn8r_15d5T262qai6nePAEa4B9OjU8cbKmFSZFfWzKI/s1600/HennyYoungmanPIN2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE3Gfo7JRULH3l07D4vMWpiG95_wJ0b1UPqCSMgJk1db8DqLzn6s0C856HhqBsT3qCkKtGnLzB5DVIPdFacdWZ2B8jtSg5nuoYrn8r_15d5T262qai6nePAEa4B9OjU8cbKmFSZFfWzKI/s400/HennyYoungmanPIN2.jpg"></a></div><P>
1. Take my wife... <i>Please!</i><P>
2. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.<P>
3. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.<P>
4. The secret of our long marriage? We take time to go to dinner two times a week. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.<P>
5. I've been in love with the same woman for 41 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.<P>
6. Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife does.<P>
7. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.<P>
8. My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.<P>
9. My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. <P>
10. My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.<P>
11. My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. <P>
12. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree. <P>
13. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.<P>
14. You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.<P>
15. Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.<P>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-18808144889926442282014-01-31T18:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:31:58.639-08:0010 Comments on Children From Fran Lebowitz<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg428XBT9VFM6XynRtmWP6_gBGsP5NpqZ4e5udy5m7CfdATwxhLlJ_wmwoTF10FML6aM1p8xO8aQh1MbOl06Tc-VbVuPLQ1O0RdZsVUfLLi7o_XOmVTFZeS8PwKojZJo5SH5Qs4bOD1W08/s1600/Fran_Lebowitz-cc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg428XBT9VFM6XynRtmWP6_gBGsP5NpqZ4e5udy5m7CfdATwxhLlJ_wmwoTF10FML6aM1p8xO8aQh1MbOl06Tc-VbVuPLQ1O0RdZsVUfLLi7o_XOmVTFZeS8PwKojZJo5SH5Qs4bOD1W08/s320/Fran_Lebowitz-cc.jpg"></a></div>1. Don’t ask your child what he feels like doing. I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.<P>1. Don’t ask your child what he feels like doing. I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.<P>
2. All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.<P>
3. A mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.<P>-<BR>
4. Children, stand your ground. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.<P>
5. Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.<P>
6. Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.<P>
7. Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.<P>
8. If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract--teach him to deduct.<P>
9. Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.<P>
10. I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children when they reach adulthood?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-64509854127903939052014-01-31T17:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:32:34.683-08:00Jerry Seinfeld: Introduces the Famous “Soup Nazi”<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VOte_R7wE7k" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-51736629877017699362014-01-31T16:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:33:20.051-08:0016 Rodney Dangerfield Jokes About His Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdz-coQIbj6wovTJhp-dvfU-P1aV5t8WMLkSV5Px4t6al-uDNdNxhLbUK9BRJIIX8X0xxoMCLm5j3XrcEAHUcMNYgdQ5NUJj5vLQFGGBrarPXWhojM1U5OdaxnrKIWnYwQokAw8732FU/s1600/RodneyDangerfieldunk2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdz-coQIbj6wovTJhp-dvfU-P1aV5t8WMLkSV5Px4t6al-uDNdNxhLbUK9BRJIIX8X0xxoMCLm5j3XrcEAHUcMNYgdQ5NUJj5vLQFGGBrarPXWhojM1U5OdaxnrKIWnYwQokAw8732FU/s320/RodneyDangerfieldunk2.jpg"></a></div>1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.<P>
2. Group sex are you kidding I had group sex - My wife screwed me in front of the jury. <P>
3. I told my wife I was seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers & a bartender.<P>
4. I asked him, “Who said you could fool around with my wife?” He said, “Everybody.”<P>
5. I asked my wife, "Is there somebody else?" She said, "There MUST be."<P>
6. I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No. One drag is enough."<P>
7. I made a toast to my wife on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.<P>
8. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.<P>
9. I told my son about the birds & the bees. He told me about the butcher and my wife.<P>
10. I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.<P>
11. My psychiatrist said my wife & I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!<P>
12. My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.<P>
13. During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.<P>
14. My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.<P>
15. My sex life is terrible. My wife put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.<P>
16. My wife's very jealous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-68736758110150679672014-01-31T16:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:33:50.392-08:00Larry David Stand Up: “Earth to America”<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TcrzC_T_XOs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-30923004626162716132014-01-31T15:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:34:45.369-08:00Fran Lebowitz On Homosexuality<center><iframe width="420" height="345" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/DG21S11IciU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-5411385423680122602014-01-31T15:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:35:41.582-08:006 Jackie Mason One-Liners<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVa2xKSYtr5B1Izci2g2x0q9G2jatllLP8O1WCxucRUWf-e_6qYZrJpXxVlpkfMdQ72T6sk1kr_MsAIvJyIuxWlqZ0HunEeNTGqPUVVkwbeK01idbEuf4uNz86oQRZ9W9uTckLyXAxQUU/s1600/JackieMasonCC1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVa2xKSYtr5B1Izci2g2x0q9G2jatllLP8O1WCxucRUWf-e_6qYZrJpXxVlpkfMdQ72T6sk1kr_MsAIvJyIuxWlqZ0HunEeNTGqPUVVkwbeK01idbEuf4uNz86oQRZ9W9uTckLyXAxQUU/s320/JackieMasonCC1.jpg"></a></div>
<P>
1. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.<P>
2. Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?<P>
3. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.<P>
4. The British are so polite. If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.<P>
5. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.<P>
6. If a crook picks on you, what're you gonna do? Call a cop! If a cop picks on you, what're you gonna do? Call a crook?<P>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-81346694600860677392014-01-31T12:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:36:09.668-08:007 Funny Lines By Albert Einstein<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfZtmvMJ1Yk2ZPBlvU_kA9lQwCEaJjQSGcxshbIncbuKSU5Nq24Uuo__6F0eHinLLSWtNjx1OcqoUKp-PVKU-UQprCJYpjBMcEeLkZ02K8MLVXQUgEyhSy1hZHQtceY9KRHMq6gnmbKL0/s1600/AlbertEinsteinPDloc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfZtmvMJ1Yk2ZPBlvU_kA9lQwCEaJjQSGcxshbIncbuKSU5Nq24Uuo__6F0eHinLLSWtNjx1OcqoUKp-PVKU-UQprCJYpjBMcEeLkZ02K8MLVXQUgEyhSy1hZHQtceY9KRHMq6gnmbKL0/s320/AlbertEinsteinPDloc.jpg"></a></div>1. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, Of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?<P>
2. Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.<P>
3. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.<P>
4. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.<P>
5. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.<P>
6. Men marry women hoping they'll never change. Women marry men hoping they will. Invariably they're both disappointed.<P>
7. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-68980403888933917222014-01-31T12:10:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:36:51.648-08:00Groucho Marx 12 Popular One-Liners<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOMkXRQR3T6eTB7Y2JPiXTBZr0aaktvNwRqSBI7NvTzkIoXt4gBQeFx29KeUVJ6caIYAzz434tHr9odjCUUN5CFn4LYEAIGEedPwVpnerwCxMgIi8G7WIMMb-qaj6WAz1-Ri4Tunc12fI/s1600/GrouchoPIN2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOMkXRQR3T6eTB7Y2JPiXTBZr0aaktvNwRqSBI7NvTzkIoXt4gBQeFx29KeUVJ6caIYAzz434tHr9odjCUUN5CFn4LYEAIGEedPwVpnerwCxMgIi8G7WIMMb-qaj6WAz1-Ri4Tunc12fI/s320/GrouchoPIN2.jpg"></a></div>
1. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.<P>
2. I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.<P>
3. All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.<P>
4. I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.<P>
5. Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.<P>
6. I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.<P>
7. If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.<P>
8. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.<P>
9. Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.<P>
10. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.<P>
11. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.<P>
12. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.<P>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-28212711099903636822014-01-31T11:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:37:32.930-08:00Andy Kaufman’s “Sick” Appearance On Letterman 1980<center><iframe width="480" height="390" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6p0sr2BejUk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-91635610586816259792014-01-31T11:00:00.000-08:002019-02-12T18:39:33.042-08:00Henny Youngman Stand Up Classic: “Take My Wife”<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KVGVJGX--o0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-5256058871499129392014-01-31T10:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:41:19.287-08:00Classic Rodney Dangerfield Stand Up Routine<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HYW7GnYEAik" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-51911980541730049202014-01-31T09:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:41:37.345-08:00"I Get No Respect": 8 More Great One-Liners From Rodney Dangerfield <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcAG2GfYbTfPL6LxrL7HHgArqquo-tIvZCecxZsyv926ocJNCAzkYp7HUKwJ8LIq17xEY9e7Z04ABbF8K0upJDzSx_lZaxLN4mPq9kVNyh-5FiR_hzZJptHVGeOyLItJao9Hc5-srKj4s/s1600/RodneyDangerfieldunk2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcAG2GfYbTfPL6LxrL7HHgArqquo-tIvZCecxZsyv926ocJNCAzkYp7HUKwJ8LIq17xEY9e7Z04ABbF8K0upJDzSx_lZaxLN4mPq9kVNyh-5FiR_hzZJptHVGeOyLItJao9Hc5-srKj4s/s320/RodneyDangerfieldunk2.jpg"></a></div>1. I get no respect. My car broke down the other day. I called Triple A. They came and towed me away.<P>
2. I get no respect. I joined Gamblers Anonymous. They gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it.<P>
3. I get no respect. I told my psychiatrist, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.<P>
4. I get no respect from my dog. He keeps barking at the front door. He doesn't want to go out. He wants me to leave.<P>
5. I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.<P>
6. My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"<P>
7. I get no respect at all. When I was a kid, I lost my parents at the beach. I asked a lifeguard to help me find them. He said "I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide."<P>
8. I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect. The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-57669574878596940712014-01-31T09:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:42:28.938-08:00Early Joan Rivers On the “Ed Sullivan Show” 1967<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EpPCFoXXhF0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-20394201401991100472014-01-31T08:30:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:42:47.772-08:00A Tribute to Harpo Marx<blockquote><iframe width="640" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HPg4Z2jlCN8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5590613807263568225.post-61753328992677480422014-01-31T08:00:00.000-08:002019-02-08T20:56:58.385-08:0010 Pretty...Pretty...Pretty...Pretty...Pretty Good Quotes From Larry David<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsPKUS1PC3CksgyMDUvrHVPoKxWjfisQq2F0rvoKgHZV77Bky0xAl9p-WF5SA6UTzuQYTmPpQ622OQvrxF8FWAh0IejcXRjq6iSm86_SRyBVGXi4sXGP9YXeZ5sqIsqYj8zdrRKI5Ace4/s1600/LarryDavidCC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsPKUS1PC3CksgyMDUvrHVPoKxWjfisQq2F0rvoKgHZV77Bky0xAl9p-WF5SA6UTzuQYTmPpQ622OQvrxF8FWAh0IejcXRjq6iSm86_SRyBVGXi4sXGP9YXeZ5sqIsqYj8zdrRKI5Ace4/s320/LarryDavidCC.jpg"></a></div>
1. I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.<P>
2. A date is an experience with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.<P>
3. Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.<P>
4. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.<P>
5. I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.<P>
6. I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.<P>
7. I always think of nice things but I never act on them.<P>
8. I'm married. I can wear whatever I want.<P>
9. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.<P>
10. <i>Pretty...pretty...pretty......pretty.....pretty good.</i><P>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com