2. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
3. I remember when I was kidnaped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
4. I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
5. I had lots of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
6. I come from a stupid family. My uncle is the only man I know to choke to death on a lifesaver.
7. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
8. I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
9. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
11. When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
12. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.