1. I get no respect. A travel agent told me I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no days, just nights. 2. I get no respect. My wife wants ...

1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. 2. Group sex are you kidding I had group sex - My wife screwed me in front of th...

1. I get no respect. My car broke down the other day. I called Triple A. They came and towed me away. 2. I get no respect. I joined Gambler...

1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. 2. My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyf...

1. I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer. 2. What a childhood I had. My parents sen...

1. People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind. 2. I put on a shirt & a ...

1. When I started out in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes. 2. A girl phoned me the other day and said ...

1. My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. 2. My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka Seltzer. 3. My ...

1. I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says "Shut the Fuck Up!" 2. I came from a real tough neighborho...

1. Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with. 2. My father carries around the picture of the kid who...

1. I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped. 2. I tell ya, my family were always big dri...

1. I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself. 2. I had lots of pimples as a kid. One day I fell as...

1. I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. 2. I took my son to Coney island. I asked, ...

1. I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar. 2. I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fac...

1. I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price. 2. I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the ...

1. My wife told me to take out the garbage. I told her, “You cooked it, you take it out.” 2. I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After d...

1. Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with. 2. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys...