13 Favorite One-Liners From Woody Allen

1. Organized crime takes in over $40 billion a year and spends very little on office supplies.

2. I can't listen to that much of Wagner. I start getting the urge to invade Poland.

3. His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

4. I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

5. Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

6. Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

7. My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

8. If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

9. Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

10. Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

11. I took a speed-reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

12. Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

13. Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, “Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.