"I Get No Respect": 10 Great One-Liners From Rodney Dangerfield

1. I get no respect. A travel agent told me I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no days, just nights.

2. I get no respect. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

3. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

4. I get no respect. Every day the elevator attendant asks me the same thing ... Basement?

5. I get no respect. I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

6. I get no respect. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

7. I get no respect. For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

8. When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents divorced there was a custody fight over me. No one showed up.

9. As a kid I got no respect. Kidnappers sent my parents a note saying, "We want $5,000 or you'll see your kid again."

10 I get no respect. Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!