5 Great One-Liners From Elayne Boosler

1. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

2. What do hookers do on their nights off? Type?

3. When women are depressed, they go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.

4. The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.

5. My ancestors wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because even in Biblical times, men wouldn't stop to ask directions.