2. A date is an experience with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.
3. Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
4. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
5. I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.
6. I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
7. I always think of nice things but I never act on them.
8. I'm married. I can wear whatever I want.
9. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
10. Pretty...pretty...pretty......pretty.....pretty good.