On Women and Marriage: 14 One-Liners From Groucho Marx

1. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

2. Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

3. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

4. Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.

5. In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

6. Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

7. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

8. Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

9. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look me in the face. That's the price she has to pay.

10. I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

11. Women should be obscene and not heard.

12. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

13. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

14. Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife.