10 Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners On Being Ugly

1. I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

2. I had lots of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

3. I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

4. I found there was only one way to look thin - hang out with fat people.

5. I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

6. I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

7. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

8. One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

9. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

10. Yeah, I know I'm ugly. I said to a bartender, “Make me a zombie.” He said, “God beat me to it.”