10 Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners On Marriage

1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

2. My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

3. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

4. I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

5. My psychiatrist said my wife & I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other.

6. I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

7. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

8. It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads a book.

9. My wife asked if I would put out the garbage. I said, “Why should I? You never put out for me.”

10. We sleep in separate rooms & take separate vacations. We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.