11 Favorite One-Liners From Henny Youngman

1. This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated.

2. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

3. I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

4. If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving.

5. Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

6. There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

7. If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

9. How to drive a guy crazy a send him a telegram and on the top put 'page two.'

10. Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

11. This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

12. I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.