13 Great One-Liners From Groucho Marx

1. I refuse to belong to a club that would have me for a member.

2. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

3. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

4. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

5. Humor is reason gone mad.

6. These are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

7. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

8. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.

9. Before I speak, I have something important to say.

10. I drink to make other people more interesting.

11. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

12. There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says yes, you know he’s a crook.

13. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.