9 Lines From Garry Shandling

1. I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

2. I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

3. I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

4. I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

5. I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

6. In bed I think less is more. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.

7. It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

8. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

9. I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.