1. Don’t ask your child what he feels like doing. I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
2. All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
3. A mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
4. Children, stand your ground. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
5. Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
6. Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.
7. Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
8. If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract--teach him to deduct.
9. Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
10. I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children when they reach adulthood?