Take My Wife... Please!
15 Henny Youngman Jokes About His Wife

1. Take my wife... Please!

2. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

3. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

4. The secret of our long marriage? We take time to go to dinner two times a week. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

5. I've been in love with the same woman for 41 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

6. Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife does.

7. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

8. My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

9. My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

10. My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

11. My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

12. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.

13. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

14. You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

15. Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.