7 Great One-Liners By Rodney Dangerfield On Getting Old

1. I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar.

2. I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

3. I'm gettin' old, why, when I was young they called me “self-deprecating.” Now it's usually “self-defecating.”

4. I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

5. Boy, I’m getting old. My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope.

6. I told my doctor I wanna stop aging. He gave me a gun.

7. I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.