10 Favorite One-Liners From Jerry Seinfeld
2. A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
3. You're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, “See if you can blow this out.”
4. I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.
5. I was the best man at a wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
6. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know.
7. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
8. It's amazing the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
9. Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. Don't stare at it. Too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
10. Make no mistake about why babies are here. They're here to replace us.
8 Great One-Liners From Jerry Seinfeld
2. My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
3. People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
4. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
5. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
6. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.
7. Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion...who cares?
8. The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same.